I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
