If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
