When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
