Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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