Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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