In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my phone needs a breathalizer
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize