this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
