I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The air taste purple.
Randomize
