Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.

Fav 27 4509 1041
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(310): View more from California

do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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(815): View more from Illinois

Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.

Fav 13 2531 1666
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(587): View more from Alberta

I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?

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(208): View more from Idaho

How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful

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(224): View more from Illinois

I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.

(1-224): View more from Illinois

I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!

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