wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
