It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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