Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Can i not drive my cunt home
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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