Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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