I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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