She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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