I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
