Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
