I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
