so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
