My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize