I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
