I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i think i just lost a toe
A bitchslap is in order.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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