You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
