remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize