Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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