Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
