I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
