I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Never underestimate the power of titties
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
