No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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