that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
