I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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