I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
