Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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