"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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