i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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