my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
