Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize