I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
