Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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