I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
