This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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