There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm always down for nudity.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
