when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
