I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize