girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
