They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
