I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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