Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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