4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
