The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vodka?
Forever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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