im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
