you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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