i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize