And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
