I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
