I just cut my nipple shaving
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize