Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
