You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
