the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
