cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
