He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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