see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
