Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
