What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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