I want to stick my p in your. b.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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