I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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