dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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