that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
