My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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