you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
