I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
