the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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