ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
