just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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