cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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