I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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